There's choral music in our house tonight. My husband says it is Bach... it's drifting up the stairs from the record player, and all I know is that it's beautiful.
The record is a hand-me-down from his parents, back when they were giving away all their earthly possessions, back before his dad got sick. The album cover is entirely in German, so we gather they bought it when they were living in Germany in the early 1980s. It reminds me of his dad and makes me a little sad. The piece is appropriately elegiac.
There's been a lot of sadness in our family this year, as we've faced losing family members (close, dear family members) for the first time. When D.'s dad got sick three years ago and D. said, "I guess it's time to put on my big-boy pants now," the universe listened and responded. It's hard to bury parents, and then grandparents; it's even harder to realize that this is only the beginning, that with each year we'll come a little closer to losing our dearest family.
Of course it's inevitable, and I wish the departed nothing but peace, particularly those who were in so much pain near the end. I'm not sad for them, only heartsick for myself, and for D. We've missed them terribly.
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